itshalfempty

I’ve long struggled with work-life balance. For me, the balance leans very heavily towards work. Early on in my career, I thought that’s just what you had to do to “get ahead,” but I’ve learned over time that it’s really just my natural inclination. I generally enjoy what I do, and I have enjoyed spending more of my waking hours focused on work.

That said, I’ve been feeling the need to change my habits over the last couple of years. I now try to be pretty diligent about ending my day at a “reasonable” time. I generally leave my phone on silent (unless I’m on call) and I have tried to resist responding to after-hours messages. I’ve also been trying to keep a to-do list and force myself to actively prioritize during the day, which has helped me feel less like there is always more work that needs my immediate attention.

While there’s no explicit expectation for me to be constantly plugged in, I view that as a key part of the value I provide. I definitely still feel tethered to work, and I still find that it’s really hard to turn my “work brain” off. I haven’t yet been able to stop checking-in on work after hours, which is certainly a big factor.

I also find it hard to step away from work during “working hours” - which to me are the times of the day when folks I work with are active. I often feel a lot of (internal) pressure to work late because 6pm Eastern is still quite early for folks on the west coast. I find it tough to step away for lunch because I end up with a lot of 12p ET / 9a PT meetings. And for some reason I feel guilty when I schedule non-work appointments during the work day.

I think a large part of why my work-life balance has felt hard to manage is because I’m working at essentially a fully-remote company. It’s hard to see the work habits and hours of my peers when the vast majority of my interactions with folks are in meetings or on Slack. What are the norms and expectations? While I know the answer, it’s still hard for me to internalize it. There’s a big difference being physically in an office when a lot of people disappear for lunch, versus being at home and never seeing anyone go offline.

Although I’ve made progress in setting boundaries, I don’t really feel like I’ve hit the right balance point yet. Over the last year I’ve focused on how to work more effectively and set boundaries - but I don’t think I’ve really tackled the mental shift for remote work. To some degree, I’ve worked since the pandemic in the same way that I would in an office. I’ve been one of the few folks to regularly commute into the the office – and for me it has been an attempt to benefit from that familiar routine.

I think over this next year I’ll try to finally lean in to remote work - and either learn how to make it work for me, or confirm that a fully remote company just isn’t for me.